Into the Woods

Everything moves so...quickly these days. We've been robbed of things like excitement and anticipation. Noticing the little things is a lost art. We exist in the temporary, the instant. We measure a person or a place by how quickly and fully they meet our desires. The intricacies of self belong to a generation past as we are fully dependent on someone or something to tell us how to think and what to feel.

How can we seize a day when our hands are so full of...stuff?

I sat on the edge of my bed for hours last night...as dark gave way to light. As I sat in my trance, I was absolutely floored at the thought that God might actually exist. I know that sounds weird, because I'm in the ministry. But I'm so guilty of turning God into another trivial trinket that fits neatly into my electronic organizer. 

Somewhere along the way, I traded the God of the universe for a good luck charm. My prayer life has been a joke. My prayers have consisted of little more than requests for easy relationships and a fix to the great "tragedies" of my existence. Prayer should be the means to a deep relationship with God, and instead my prayers are just an attempt to convince myself that I still believe in something.

I am a zombie. I walk through each day in comatose apathy, waiting for it to end so the next one can begin. No real sense of direction, no rhyme nor reason. Just...blank. 

I have no idea how long I sat there until my mind could not bear to be awake any longer. I slept hard, never really asleep and never really awake. I dreamt of strange things, of clocks and closets. I stirred awake at some point, and I was filled with this overwhelming sense of...desire. 

I desire simplicity. I want to be rid of this life of Bluetooth and Blackberries, of $5 lattes and iPhones. The world rushes by as we vie for high-speed this, and 3G that. But this time we wish away is the greatest gift and opportunity we could ever hope for.

God provides us with the means and opportunity to live a fulfilling life. But what of the motivation? I have ignored the gifts I've been given in exchange for self-pity and doubt. I have let my fear consume me and placated it with possessions.

I know God exists because I exist. I know He loves because I love. I know he is good, because I am capable of great good. I don't want to just be alive...I want to LIVE.

Imagine what it would be like to savor a moment? To replace a text message with a kiss? How would it be to enjoy a cup of tea with a friend as opposed to a series of emails? What if we turned off the TV for a night and just enjoyed each other? When is the last time we spoke of dreams, or fears, or passions? When is the last time you thought of being an astronaut or slaying a dragon?

It has been too long. Too long since I took a walk in the rain, or hugged someone instead of offering a weak-hearted handshake. I want to see every second of my life as the most valuable thing I have. 

Carpe Diem - seize the day.

I'll leave you in the capable hands of Thoreau:

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

So it goes...

-B